Even now, as I am writing this post, the tears are falling… I miss you so much.
To think that I took this photo on the 17th July 2012 and you were as fit as a fiddle and two weeks later we had to make the decision to have you put to sleep, is still hard to take in. What happened I still find incomprehensible. How could you just deteriorate in such a short space of time?
I love the two little pups, we have given home to, so much and wouldn’t want to part with them.. but I also want something I can’t have and that is you back in my life.
Believe it or not, it is only last weekend that I could finally empty my Dyson, your fur was in there and I just couldn’t bring myself to throw it away. That poor hoover was struggling to pick up things where it was so chocker but it took hell of a lot to even contemplate emptying the dust bag. And then I couldn’t do it, your dad had to. He misses you like crazy too.
People say it is only a dog.. but you see, you depended on me, you depended me on me to keep you safe and to feed you and love you… and my god did I love you…. more than you could ever imagine.
Since you went to Rainbow Bridge, I have heard of two other dogs joining you and their owners cut down with grief. I can understand their pain and they can understand mine. Talking to another lady, who has just lost her dog, has helped me slightly and it has made me realise that I wasn’t going mad or being silly because, you see, she feels the same. You would like her Bo.. she is so kind and understanding, even though her heart is aching as well.
You see, she understands how I feel and I understand how she feels.. and it is helping in its small way.
Stewie and Dumpling are wonderful and keep me occupied, and they are a pleasure to have and are very loving and I love them to bits. But for you, there will always be that special place in my heart. Maybe, it is because I had to save your bacon so many times, with the naughty things you did.
Remember when you nearly electrocuted us by licking the plug in the bedroom until sparks and a hissing sound was emerging from the socket. And when I was calling you and you were sitting in next-doors garden where you had eaten through the fence panel. Not forgetting the three wooden planters you ate and the craters you dug in the garden, but I would give my right arm to have you back with us, destroying the fence and eating the shed.
You would love Stewie and Dumpling, they can get into mischief just like you used to be able to. They can cause mayhem and I can see you in them and Stewie has a couple of your characteristics.
Grief is horrible, I just wish someone would switch my aching heart off at times.. You might have only been a dog in some people’s eyes, but you weren’t in mine. You were my little boy and as the story of Rainbow Bridge goes, one day we will be together again.. forever. Until then …. never forget that I love and miss you.