Well believe it or not, yesterday was a better day altogether. Yes I ached and I hurt but I started to feel better in myself. By luck the Prednisolone kicked in early in the morning and it lasted longer. Which is a godsend.
I still felt very tearful and down.. but all in all I felt just that little bit better. No energy though, so I will be thankful when that returns.. I am fed up of feeling so tired and it was gone 1 am the following morning, before I went to bed, because even though I felt tired, I just couldn’t sleep.
Perhaps because I stopped myself sleeping during the day because I wanted to get a good nights sleep, that I was now finding it hard to want to sleep, I don’t know. Whether I was too tired to sleep or whether sleep disturbance is another side-effect of steroids, I don’t know, but all I know is that I wanted to sleep but couldn’t.
I knew it was no use going to bed until I felt absolutely cream-crackered (knackered) because I know I would’ve just laid there and disturbed the other half. Which isn’t fair as he has to get up at the crack of dawn to go to work.
The only thing with this, was the thought that at 6 am in the morning two puppies would start making a noise in order to get me up.. and of course the more you try to will yourself to want to sleep the harder it becomes.
The worst part of all of this is the guilt, knowing that you’re not yourself and then you feel guilty because you have to rely on others. When it affects your family as well, then you can’t help but feel guilty. Everything has to revolve around this dreadful illness… you have to do things when you feel ok and it is no good over-doing things because you end up suffering more.
I know I will never be really active because of Sciatica and two slipped discs and arthritis in my knees, but to be able to do more than I can do will be a blessing.
Tomorrow will be the first full week of the steroids and yes they are helping.. I can’t deny that.. maybe my expectations of them being a wonder drug and sorting me out in a couple of days was too much of an ambition. Perhaps it is a slow recovery, I don’t know.
Like many people who I have spoken to, who suffer from PMR, it seems that it is a long old haul.. you have your good days and you have your bad days.
So all in all today was a better day.