Cinderella Law – Emotional cruelty to children…

tugofloveAccording to the news today the Government are hoping to bring in laws that protect children from emotional harm.  Emotional harm to a child can be just as harmful as that of physical or sexual abuse.  Mental mind games, even to an adult are hard to deal with but for a child, who hasn’t reached adulthood, it must be confusing, hurtful and enough for a child to start on that harmful road of self harm.

I am glad emotional harm is going to be dealt with… but I fear that the new law is not going to go far enough.

Our criminal law has never reflected the full range of emotional suffering experienced by children who are abused by their parents or carers.
Robert Buckland

For instance, what about how some children are treated especially if there is a break-up between the parents and there is animosity between the parents.

It doesn’t matter if that child is a toddler, a school kid or a teenager, when parents break up that child is piggy in the middle and that child suffers the hurt of not having both parents living under the same roof.

That child loves both parents and because the parents are each others throats that child doesn’t want to take sides.  It just wants its mother and its father around and for their mother and father to love them.  Yes in the perfect world they want them to live together but if that is  not to be then it needs its parents not to think about themselves but about how they feel.  Sometimes loving one someone means that you have to do what is best for that person and not yourself.

When a child, even a baby or toddler, has both parents in its life, and even if they can’t speak, should one parent not be there that child still has emotions.  That child will miss the absent parent, that child will wonder why they are not there… An older child might even think they are to blame for the break-down of their parents relationship.

The absent parent family of that child shouldn’t be excluded by the parent with custody… that is emotional turmoil for any child…irrespective of age.  Yes adults feel hurt when they can’t see their grandchildren or have a proper relationship with them, but as adults we understand and we deal with the hurt.   But for a child to have a set of grandparents in its little life and then never to see them is emotional cruelty to that child.

A child needs to develop a relationship with the absent parent and their extended family… and that can’t be achieved when the parent with whom the child lives, sets boundaries or insists that they have to be there at all times and that the access can only be on their terms or not at all.  For any parent to do that is in my opinion causing that child to suffer emotionally.

I hope the new law does cover the emotional turmoil that a child can suffer at the hands of a parent who is being unreasonable, selfish and big-headed.  A child needs, both its parents, whether or not they live together and it needs its grandparents (both sets). For any person to deny their child this, is acting out of malice and not in the best interests of their child.


7 Comments Add yours

  1. brandinkay says:

    You bring out a very important point…the child begins the downward spiral of self-abuse. For those who do not fully understand that concept, let me explain it. The child either feels nothing or an overwhelming feeling of suffocation from feeling too much. Either end of the spectrum, the child only knows that if they do not do something they feel like they will die. So, they cut themselves, they burn themselves, they rip out fingernails and toenails, they can develop eating disorders and promiscuity. At first, these injuries are visible and when asked about what happened, they lie, they feel extreme guilt at lying, and the vicious cycle begins. They learn to hide their injuries. And everyone assumes that it was just a “phase” and because they don’t see the injuries, then the child must be okay. The very first time you realize your child is self-mutilating or attempts suicide, GET THEM PROFESSIONAL HELP…it is NOT A PHASE, they will NOT GROW OUT OF IT. In fact, it will get worse, a lot worse, you just won’t see it. Parents, if you love your kids, regardless of their ages, do not put them in the middle, do not blame them for your problems, do not fight in front of them, and do not run down the other parent in front of the child. Remember, that child knows they are part of the other parent, too. If that parent is ‘bad’ then by default, they, the child, must be at least partly bad. And even when you think they cannot hear or know what is going on, think again, children are not stupid and they are like little sponges soaking up everything around them, including the negativity of the parents. GROW UP, ACT LIKE ADULTS don’t rely on your child to become THE adult.


    1. Bren says:

      Thank you for your comment…. it is always the children that suffer… and your comment ‘GROW UP, ACT LIKE ADULTS’ is one that I am afraid will fall on deaf ears in some people. The relationship, their love life, and selfish ways are all they really care about… the child’s emotional well-being comes second.


      1. brandinkay says:

        Yes, but when both parents are called to the ER because their child has butchered it’s arm to bone, or OD’ed on drugs, or been raped because that child was in the wrong place…it will be too late. The permanent damage is done. If we can reach one parent, who changes the dynamic of how they deal with their relationship, then we have saved at least one child. That is everything.


        1. Bren says:

          The said truth is though, that there are some people, who will blame the other partner for what has happened to the child… it will be their fault because they left the home or got involved in another relationship. Sadly is this world there are some people who can’t see their own faults and can’t see that it is their actions that have caused a major part or why that child is laying in ER.

          Little kids irrespective of how small they are have feelings and I think parents who don’t take their little feelings into consideration should hang their heads in shame.


          1. brandinkay says:

            I know because both of my replies were based on experience and are why I do not and will not have children today. There are a lot of parents out there that do know what they are doing is wrong and they just don’t know how to stop it. That is why our conversation is so important. Thank you, Bren.


          2. Bren says:

            It is such a shame that a bad experience has made you feel that that you can’t be a parent…. Children can bring you so much happiness and joy. Thank you for your comments, because as you said, if one parent stops their bitter war with their ex and thinks of their child first, it will be blessing.


          3. brandinkay says:

            Those experiences were my daily life. I do have other reasons for not having children, there is a lot of polution in my gene pool. So many things that are in my DNA. And I am terrified that I would be a bad parent and hurt my child without meaning to or even realizing that I had hurt them. I am not the most patient person. And I don’t want to bring a sweet little human being into this world for my own selfish reasons. Yes, ever once in a while, I feel that ache of wanting one, and I realize what love, joy, happiness it would bring ME. I have to think of that child that will never be first. I know that sounds odd, it is hard to explain what I feel.


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