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Big Men Don’t Cry… Toughen up lad


Today on Facebook I was in a heated debate about the abuse these footballers have suffered as children over the years… and how it is only now that the true extent of this abuse is being made public.

You only have to listen to David Lean in this interview to see the depths that a paedophile will go to… even to the extent of blaming the victim themselves for the abuse that they have had to endure and threatening to tell a child’s parents that the actual abuser is being abused by their child.

Big tough footballers, so he calls them,  have now been ridiculed by the likes of Eric Bristow for not sorting the person out..

Now how many times have we seen footballers up on charges of violence and then the public and professional bodies say they can’t now be footballers because of their violence and that they are role models and shouldn’t advocate violence of any sort?

Footballers who are gay… have even taken their own lives due to the stigma of being gay and playing professional football. If you can’t reveal your own sexual preference without fear of facing ridicule and not being accepted; how they hell are you supposed to speak out about being abused.

If these footballers had attacked their abuser and he was badly injured and died then they could and probably would have been up on a manslaughter charge or possible murder charge.

David Lean hits the nail on the head in his interview… where the Abuser blames the victim… where the abuser will lie to others and try to make out that they are the victim when in fact they are the abuser.

I have worked in Law Enforcement and believe me.. some of the things I have read have made my stomach churn… the lengths and deprived depths that these monsters go to in order to cover their tracks.

One trait that all abusers have in common is that they threaten… if it is a child that they abusing they will instil in the child the fear that they will be taken away from their parents if ever they told anybody about what was happening to them…. They tell their victims they will not be believed.  And any person who is a victim is also now tarnished is some people’s eyes as possibly being on the bandwagon and if their story was true they would have spoken out years ago in the court of public opinion.

‘Big mean don’t cry.. big men are macho… if you want to be a man you have to toughen up lad’, how many times have we heard those statements? No wonder these young men have not come forward.

I am the mother of a child who has played Sunday Soccer and believe me the ridicule these kids get from other team-mates is enough to make the strongest person wince.  Yet alone having to come out and say you are being abused?

Victims are shamed by their abuser they are told it is their fault that this is happening to them, they are told if they speak out people will laugh at them, victims are told they won’t be believed.  If you threaten somebody long enough and tell them that everything is their fault eventually they will believe it.

Just like if you torture someone.. eventually they will tell you what you want to hear and not what is true in order to get the punishment to stop.

Abuse takes many shapes and forms… ranging from sexual abuse right through to verbal abuse and bullying.  How many kids, especially boys, who have committed suicide because they can’t take the bullying abuse anymore?  How many of these victims, have kept their abuse hidden from parents?

Boys and men are supposed to be macho…. they are not supposed to be anything other and in today’s society if men do cry they are deemed as wimps by others.  It is this sort of stigma that also stops these young men from speaking out.

In the last month or so we have seen the President Elect speak of women in derogatory terms and deemed it as Locker Room Talk…. and the fear of being in a locker room and saying you’ve been abused is something I think the strongest person would have a fear in saying… yet alone a young lad who thinks that they are at fault because their abuser has told them so.  The fear of being ridiculed by others, the fear of not being believed and the shame of what has happened is what keeps these people quiet.

And believe it or not every day what has happened to them and the silence they have kept eats at them like a raging cancer… and it is when one person has the courage to speak out that other victims then find the courage to speak out.  That is not jumping on the bandwagon…  that is finally getting justice for things that you have had to endure at the hands of a paedophile.  It may take you years to find the courage to speak out… and then that is when authorities need to listen and people need to be compassionate.

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Bren

I am an amateur photographer/blogger and the female half of Ryan Photography. We both have a keen interest in landscape and floral photography. And we live in the Kent, known as the Garden of England, in the United Kingdom. I have a desire to travel and hopefully one day move to somewhere where it is picturesque and a photographer's delight.

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